When to tell the truth?
Well, it’s easy to understand your anger and easy to say rise above it. But sometimes rising above can be mistaken for condoning and that’s never a good idea. I think the older child can know that her mother wanted the divorce because she was interested in another man. Leave the younger one to learn the reality of life later. It’s all in the way to tell it. Leave out the pejoratives. Just say your mother was interested in another man.
This is an adult issue between you and your ex wife. Just what good would you be doing your children to tell them bad things about their mother? Are you putting the children’s needs first, or your own need for some kind of revenge? They have enough to deal with at this point in their life with their parents splitting up. Try to not put the kids in the middle. Neither of you should be bad mouthing the other spouse and trying to put them in the middle or use them to manipulate the other spouse. Kids are not stupid. Most likely, the 16 year old has figured some of this out already. If they ask, be factual and really think about what kind of details they really need to know. They don’t need more baggage then really necessary. Keep up the counseling to work through all those issues that her betrayal brought into your life. Maybe some family counseling with the kids to help you both help them deal with this change in their lives in a healthy way.
