When should I talk to my child about sex?
Although there is no “right” age, since each child, family and situation is different, it is a reality that children are exposed to sexual content at earlier and earlier ages. You want your child’s primary information to come from you; not their friends, and certainly not the media. Waiting until they are 14 or 15 is too late; studies show that some students are becoming sexually active in the 6th and 7th grade. We recommend starting very early: talk to your child about friendships and love in grade school. Around age 8, consider telling your child about the awesome and great way that parents show their love and make babies. Stress how beautiful sex is, and that it is something special to be shared between two committed adults.
Fortunately, this generation has the opportunity to learn about this question through Health classes at school. If you want to know more about what your children are being taught, pick up the phone or take a trip to their school to speak to their teachers. Decide at that point whether your children are getting the information you want them to have. If not, there are many books written just for teens on this subject. Finding the right approach depends on your relationship with your teen and how open your communication is. I have had parents ask me as their child’s counselor to discuss this issue with them. One suggestion might be to find out what adult is closest to your teen and ask this adult to have a talk with him/her. The adult could be a favorite aunt or a soccer coach. The bottom line is – It doesn’t have to be you. Cheryl G., MS, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor digg del.icio.
When they are old enough to understand language. Start with teaching them the difference between good touch and bad touch. Always talk to them on their level and use age-appropriate resources. Tell them the truth, don’t tell them fairy tales about this. Let them know early that they will always get “the straight scoop” from their parents. This will offset the garbage they are getting on the streets and through the media.
• Before they make you a grandparent. One of every 3 girls has had sex by age 16, 1 out of 2 by age 18. Three of 4 boys have had sex by age 18.22 • Surprise: Your teen wants to hear from you. Seven of ten teens interviewed said that they were ready to listen to things parents thought they were not ready to hear.23 When asked about the reasons why teenage girls have babies, 78 percent of white and 70 percent of African-American teenagers reported that lack of communication between a girl and her parents is often a reason teenage girls have babies.24 • Do teens wish they had waited to have sex? • Yes. A majority of both girls and boys who are sexually active wish they had waited. Eight in ten girls and six in ten boys say they wish they had waited until they were older to have sex.
Start early—that’s Dr. Michelle Barratt’s advice. The first rule is: Be honest. “You can start when your child is just a baby. You can do that by teaching them all of the proper names for their body parts. When they move into toilet training, that is the perfect time to teach them about their bodies,” says Barratt, professor of pediatrics. As the child encounters areas of life that reflect on aspects of sexuality, the parent needs to answer truthfully and within the family values. The 4-year-old discovering a box of tampons has the perfect chance to hear from her mother about the female organs and where they are located. Barratt says as the child matures, build on that foundation. When they begin to start asking about dating, that would be a good time to talk about sex and your family’s values. “Don’t plan on having ‘the talk.’ Children’s curiosity comes in small and large doses depending on what they are experiencing. We as parents need to meet them in the moment,” Barratt advises.
