What Price, Sopranos?
Thank you for calling Adolphia Cable. Due to our current financial situation, all of our three operators are currently assisting other frustrated customers. We know you have next to no other alternative, due to our convenient monopoly, and we’d like to thank you for being too cheap to move to Venice Beach, or splurge for a satellite dish. Your current wait time will be one hour. So sit back, relax, and listen to the one song we offer for our hold music: everyone’s favorite “Girl From Ipanema.” For a limited time we’re offering to remove half of your channels on every other day, forcing you to call one of our usually unavailable branches to admit that you watch the Oxygen network. If you stay on the line we’ll be happy to raise your rates arbitrarily, informing you that due to our new billing system, your cable rates will increase. Try not to yell at us when we explain that dropping some cable stations will actually cause your rates to rise. That’s a little game we’re playing with you.
