How did barons and other elite find themselves in their status – is it through having a ruthless family?
Yes and No most of the Original Barons came over with the Conqueror, so they were the locals either well in with the Duke (as he was before becoming King of England) or who fought well and distinguished themselves in the Field. They were all paid in Land. There were certain Families who were ruthless but they usually stand out, the Nevilles spring to mind, but the vast majority were just average bloodthirsty Medieval Lords of the manor. The thing worth noting about Guillam Le Batarde (William the B4stard) is that to ensure he stayed at the top he seems to have consulted these newly made up Barons about various affairs of state, mainly how much he was going to relieve them in Taxes. Now what they said probably meant very little, but along with the Domesday book it did give him a good idea of how much he could squeeze out of them. The Barons of course paid nothing they took it from the Saxon serfs and freedmen now in their service. However it set a precedent, which his 3rd Son Henry had