Screaming Wagner

The name of this drink might imply that it’s such a strong concoction that you’ll wind up dancing on tables with your shirt pulled up over your head, hollering like a deranged maniac (as opposed to one of those calm, well-tempered maniacs you see all too often in your local grocery store) after only one glass. I suppose that if you completely lack the mysterious gene that allows the body to metabolize alcohol and drink the cocktail in a single gulp, anything’s possible, especially if you are borderline unhinged to begin with, but otherwise it isn’t likely. In fact, this drink doesn’t pack any more of a punch than your average margarita, though if you have the word “margarita” swimming around in your brain when you drink one of these, you may confuse the taste-identification center of your brain, causing a short wiring of neurons and synapses that may lead to a cranial implosion, but that’s only a very remote possibility.

The true inspiration for this drink’s name came when, having mixed my very first one and pouring it, en route to my favorite chair where I would enjoy it at my leisure, I completely forgot about the bear trap I had set in the middle of my living room. No, I didn’t step into it; instead, I tripped on a throw rug and—having performed some aerial acrobatics in a successful attempt to save my drink from spilling—spun around in mid-fall and got my butt caught in the trap. Hence the name, Screaming Wagner.

I still enjoyed the drink. In fact, considering my condition, I probably enjoyed it more than I would have otherwise.

Here’s what you do:

• Pre-chill a stemmed glass
• Fill a cocktail shaker with ice; add 1 ounce dark rum (preferably Tanduay, a delicious rum from the Philippines), 1 ounce of sour mix, ½ ounce Amaretto, ½ ounce triple sec and a splash of grenadine
• Stir for about 30 seconds and pour into the chilled stemmed glass
• Garnish with a maraschino cherry