How Denial About our Anger Affects our Liife

We have all done things that we are not proud of, and if we are honest, we will admit to doing things when we were “STUPID”.  We did not think, exercise self control, care about the future.

We just did it. And we had to suffer the consequences later.  We salute each of you who can admit it. You are transparent enough to grow.

This article was written to encourage you to find the truth you need to grow; Take a risk and do some things which are not comfortable; Think outside the box.

Maybe this article will provide the spark to light the fire inside so you will look for a better way to handle your problems.  I read that kids that are obese have parents who deny there is a problem. Almost seventy percent of the parents with an obese child do not see any problem. Half of the obese kids have at least one obese parent who, on the average, sits at least two hours a day. If they only stood up they would burn 17% more calories. This is used to illustrate the need to seek the light, to seek truth, rather than live in a state of denial.  People who deny there is a problem do very little to improve life. The status quo is just fine. The kids who are obese are used just to illustrate a point.  Each small decision our parents or someone we love makes has a life long impact on us.  A parent who does not see any problem with obesity will likely not do anything to improve the situation with diet, exercise, sports, teaching self control and education about healthy lifestyle.  The obese kid grows up in a vacuum making decisions based on what they failed to learn from their parents. They operate from a defective platform of knowledge.  They will have more heart disease, diabetes, failed relationships, and ultimately live shorter lives, usually five years less for each fifteen pounds overweight they are; all because their parents failed to see any problem with being more than fifteen pounds heavier than normal.  Granted, some parents may not want to hurt their kids self esteem by labeling them “obese”, and some people genetically will be obese regardless of what they do.  I am quite concerned, though, when I read almost seventy percent of parents deny there is a problem.  It is interesting to note that just as many-70%- of parents replied “no” when asked, after their kids grew up, if they would raise their child all over again.  I am convinced most people just let life happen to them and live more like a spectator than a participant. We want to correct that.  We do not feel the parents intentionally are bad parents. I am convinced that most of us are medically and financially illiterate. We can read and write and do simple math, but we don’t know how to take care of our health nor plan for our retirement.  The education system has failed to teach us the tools needed to be a success when it comes to good health or saving money. Seventy eight million baby boomers will retire soon, and many of them with poor health and ninety five percent with inadequate savings to retire.  It will cost billions to fix this problem, and who will pay it?  Our children and their children.

What about the parent who explodes, curses, calls the kid “idiot” or “stupid”, or feels there is nothing wrong with “teasing” the kid about a sundry list of childlike behaviors.  Can such a simple action, repeated over and over, teach the kid anything useful?

Most of us know things which we assume everyone else knows.  Since we know it, we wonder why so many people act contrary to the truth or knowledge.  Why do they do things which inflict pain on themselves and their family?  The truth is, what we do not know can hurt us.  And what we know so well, many people know not at all. 

Once one has been witness to domestic violence, once one has seen the effects of divorce on a family, once one has seen people want to kill for no good reason, it becomes imperative to provide information that makes angry methods of communicating or resolving problems seem ludicrous.

I could give you the story of my life, or tell you that your subconscious mind is hundreds of times more responsible for your daily decisions than your conscious mind.  Your decisions, if you shoot from the hip, are made by your subconscious mind or your child part.

To be in control, you must have a deep conviction that you will succeed. Then, you need to feed your mind positive information to make you a success.  Putting negatives and complaining thoughts in your mind are programming you for failure.  This is done by self suggestion.

You need to write down what it is you want and how you will get it.  Then, think about it for a few days and update your list. If your goals are not in writing, you are leaving it up to your subconscious mind to achieve the goal for you.  And if you self sabotage, if you are focusing on your problems, bad finances, troubles in your marriage, relationships you hate, or all the bad things in the news, then what you get will be much less than the good things you dreamed about, but failed to write it down or make a plan to achieve. Did you read about the Harvard study in which only 2% of the students wrote down their goals and plans, but they wound up with 90% of the wealth?

What can you do?? You need to have great belief systems that focus on your success, being a blessing, a positive force, a servant, or a person not controlled by addictions and anger.  Sometimes, we focus on NOT being a screwup. By focusing on this in our conscious mind, it actually causes us to focus on becoming a screwup. If I tell you to NOT think about pink elephants, what do you think about?  We may have to screw up in order to get that off our mind. Sometimes the effect may be a cause, rather than a cause making the effect.  People who screwed up many times include Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, and Bill Gates. They had to fail over and over, thousands of times,  before they became a big success.  Once you get this behind you, you can work on being productive, creative, and adding some positive self talk which will make you succeed in your quest to be a blessing and stop using anger in a destructive manner.  You want to be able to be supportive to yourself and fill your mind with “voices” which are supportive, in spite of any self critical “voices” in your head. You need to gain the necessary skills to be a success.  You can do this by failing over and over til you get past it (the average very successful person failed over 17 times in business), or reprogramming yourself with some assistance. Most people do a lot of trial and error to obtain the skills they need to be successful, but at a tremendous cost (like years of their life gone by). You may be successful in business, but a failure in your relationships. You have to have different skills for each.  No matter what, do not give up. You have inside you access to the energy to keep persevering in your attempts to be a success in what you choose. Your energy reserves have to be replaced frequently.   Keep focusing on the results you want.  Surround yourself with like minded people who also focus on healthy and successful things. Create a mastermind group of people you like and trust with whom you can hold each other accountable. Remember, once you speak your angry thoughts, you cannot take them back.