Why is it embarrassing not to have romantic interest reciprocated?
My going theory about this is that much of human unhappiness comes from comparison. When you are interested and that feeling is not reciprocated, it can be a struggle not to let this impact on your self-worth. Rejection like this tends to kick you down the ladder in comparison to all of the other monkeys, and that is upsetting. Whereas before the uncertainty let you feel like you at least had a shot, rejection collapses that waveform into the certainty that it’s just one … more … person who doesn’t think you’re good enough. Plus, now that you’ll be around her, there’s the ongoing misery of wanting something you can’t have, as jitterbug perfume points out. Most of the coping strategies aren’t very nice. You can denigrate the other person and make them less appealing in your own eyes, if you’re good at that level of self-deception. You can use the law of averages and make a lot of approaches until you’re emotionally numb to the pain. Or you could start viewing the whole thing as this
You’re not inadequate, you’re brave–there are a lot of guys in the class who could never bring themselves to make the call. Why does it take bravery? Because of the risk of embarrassment. I say take that bravery and use it in another way. Maybe in this case you set up a situation in which you just out of the blue handed over to her the power to reject you–a one-sided exchange. When she exercised the power you gave her, you felt foolish. You made a gift of your thoughts and hopes to a stranger, and were then disappointed by her reaction. It’s unfair, because you made a gentlemanly, respectful request. But you had no reason to expect that she would react in a particular way. It was a blind bet. You did the right thing at the wrong time. The ability to be vulnerable to those close to you is a virtue, a sign of maturity, an essential relationship skill. Being vulnerable to strangers, however, is just masochism. I’m more concerned with whether your tactics were suited to your goal. Callin
