Why don more people have mustaches like Tycho Brahe?
• Because in the time it would take to grow one, their bladders would explode from holding it in too long. • This actually happened to Tycho Brahe. • And what the hell has my bladder to do with my undernose hair? • Because not many people have artificial noses made from some mixture of precious metals? Really! • And, by extension, because not many people get into random sword fights with people who question their astronomical predictions? • Because mustaches look weird on women • Who’d win in a fight, Hillary or Barack? • Armed or unarmed? • What does piano wire count as? • He’d haul her up to the corner of Know Your Role Blvd. and Jabroni Drive and check her candy ass into the Smackdown Hotel, If You SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! What BARACK! … Is cookin’. • Neither. Their fight would start a chain reaction that would eventually involve all Republicans and Democrats, who would gleefully wipe each other out until only one man was left. . . • But Mr. Rogers is already dead! •
