Who was Dante’s first crush?
Unfortunately, the answer is not very original. Barbie was Dante’s first crush. His sister had a massive collection. She had the townhouse, the corvette, and the Barbie McDonald’s. Dante would pick Barbie up at the townhouse. He’d take her for a spin around the carpet in the corvette. He’d toss a few miniature, plastic hamburgers down her throat and then drive her back to the townhouse. They’d ride the yellow elevator back up to her bedroom, Dante fondling her nippleless breasts the entire way up. The affair abruptly ended when Dante’s overbearing mother discovered him walking around the house with Barbie shoved headfirst down the front of his pants. His mother packed up all of his sister’s Barbie dolls and donated them to the Salvation Army. Luckily, Dante had his Princess Leia action figures as a rebound crush. Princess Leia was much smaller and could fit down the front of his pants without his mother noticing. It was a far better match for Dante. Barbie was too much woman. Princess
