What makes men be verbally abusive and controlling to women and children but not to other men?
First of all you are dealing with an individual who has deep seeded issues in his relationships with women. It could stem from his childhood; an abusive or controlling mother. When it comes to this type of individual, they are normally drawn to weak, passive, helpless women and then continue the verbal abuse and control that was put upon them as a child. They will try to keep them away from family and friends. The only thing that can help a person like this is intense therapy and anger management programs. He will continue this behavior till he gets some help. As far as his relationship with men, he mostly will be drawn to macho men as friends. They pose no threat and he cannot abuse them and he feels comfortable in their company. My advice to a person living with someone like this is to suggest counseling, or to actually contemplate divorce or separation. A person like this can be dangerous, so it would helpful to see a therapist or ask advice from your pastor or members of your famil
I think men are more readily abusive to their women and children because they know they can get away with it. If they strike or mouth off to another man, they will probably get punched in the mouth. I’ve known women who have struck back and put their men into shock. Personally, I could not stay close to anyone who tried to abuse me.
These types of men are cowards and insecure with themselves. That’s why they pick on women and children who are weaker than they are. They don’t have the guts to say those things to another man who would handle the situation physically. Talking to them and telling them about the pain it causes you may stop it for a brief period, but they actually need some help in realizing it is a problem. Maybe you should tape record him putting you down and being mean to the children one day and then when he is calm play it for him. I think if they were aware of how awful and vicious they sound they might change. These men are adult bullies and that’s all there is to it. Don’t stay in a relationship with verbal abuse. It can damage you as much emotionally as physical abuse damages you physically. Get help.
They are scared little boys who want so badly to be men.But they don’t know the right way to go about it.Leaving will promote some kind of change,but it is hard to say what kind that will be.What you described is abuse,and it could very well turn physical.If it hasn’t already.Either way,You and your children are not in a safe place.In my opinion it would be best for you and your children to leave.Not threaten to leave but really do it,and not worry about how you will survive.You survived before you met him,you can do it again.I know you want to help him,but he won’t listen to anything you have to say.Especially when he is already verbally abusing you and your children.Do the right thing for you and the kids,and that is not to stay there.
