What is wrong with parenting skills today?
The trend seems to be to avoid “parenting skills”. Kids seem to fend for themselves. My parents sat me down and taught me things, like writing TY notes and how to behave when I visited relatives. They didn’t ask me what I wanted for dinner; there were two choices, take it or leave it. I learned to say please and thank you and excuse me. I learned to be respectful of those around me. Otherwise, there were consequences. My parents were just as screwed up as anyones too. Is it just laziness today or what?
We are still trying to have the same amount of control and power over our kids that parents had in the 50’s, but we aren’t willing to use the type of discipline needed to obtain that. Namely, harsh physical punishment. Time-outs and other “little” punishments just don’t work in the same way. But I’m not advocating we readopt the old ways. Just recognize that the old system is gone and we need something different. Something that doesn’t rely on parents trying to control their kids, but rather focuses on teaching values and appropriate behaviors, and helping them learn to control themselves. In my opinion, punishing kids inhibits learning of real values. It takes the focus off the real consequences of their behavior. Kids learn not to do things simply to avoid the punishment. It creates self-interest. Instead of not hitting her brother because it would make him feel bad, she refrains from hitting her brother because if Mom hears him scream, she’ll have to go to her room. And, while she’s
I agree – there are many things wrong but in a nutshell, parents are trying to meddle in their kids’ lives too much. Sure you have to raise them and be involved in their lives and make sure they don’t do stupid stuff, but I’m talking about parents who feel their kids have to have structure so they sign them up for all sorts of sports and classes and play dates and schedule them to the max. They have their entire lives run by other people so they don’t learn to be self-reliant. Then they tell their kids how special they are every few minutes so the kids grow up expecting everything from the world. You have helicopter moms who, even when the kids go to college, tell them what classes to take and write their admissions essays for them. When I was a kid the parents told you to to go outside and play and we did that. We shot hoops or played baseball or football or even cops-n-robbers or we just aimlessly rode our bikes around the neighborhood (WITHOUT HELMETS!).
People are not taught how to parent. You are just sent home with an infant and you have to figure out the best way to parent your individual baby. Parents are lacking in the basic skills necessary to raise children. The skills necessary are patience,plenty of positive reinforcement and being able to correct a child. Most parents have only 1 or 2 of these skills. Many have none of these skills. Here lies the problem. Parents have so many issues that they have to deal with in their daily lives that the childs needs are not met and society has to deal with these wild unruly children.
Melinda answered the question correctly. Many parents act like they are afraid of their children. They are scared to discipline their children because they want to be “liked” or are afraid someone is going to call children’s services just because they swat them on the bottom. There is a difference between abuse and discipline. Kids actually desire discipline. I look back at my days in school and some of the teachers I disliked at the time, were the teachers that knew what I was capable of, expected me to mind, and challenged me. The teachers I often thought “were cool” were the ones, in hindsight, I didn’t always learn a lot from. Parenting is about showing your kids love and teaching them the value of hard work and right from wrong.
Related Questions
- It seems that many parents resort to using material goods-based bribery to obtain compliance from their teenaged children. Would todays teens cooperate with, and respect their parents if they weren given these items.?
- What other forms of parental discipline are alternatives to smacking or spanking?
- What is wrong with parenting skills today?
