What is this insatiable dimensional yearning…?
Yes. And it makes me feel frustrated and heartbroken. I started studying pure mathematics as a mature student and threw everything I had into it. But after a few years of incredible toil, I hit the wall and just couldn’t get any further. I was okay with the fact that I spent 85% of my non-sleeping hours working at it, and I was okay with the fact that 85% of that time was frustrating dead ends because 5% of the time there was euphoria at having accomplished something. I was also okay with the fact that despite my efforts, I only understood about 40% of what I was being “taught”. I sense that advanced algebra is beautiful and I have REALLY wanted to progress further, to get closer to that beauty. But time, money and excruciating diminishing returns have caused me to abandon that quest. It is a dimensional yearning – not for God or Nirvana or heaven, but for a different kind of transcendence. An intellectual one. It is a terrible thing to realise that (despite what your parents or Oprah
