What is the sine qua non of an affair?
Dr. G: 3 elements determine whether a relationship is an affair. One is secrecy. Suppose two people meet every morning at 7 A.M. for coffee before work, and they never tell their partners. Even though it might be in a public place, their partner isn’t going to be happy about it. It’s going to feel like a betrayal, a terrible deception. Emotional intimacy is the second element. When someone starts confiding things to another person that they’re reluctant to confide to their partner and the emotional intimacy is greater in the friendship than in the marriage, that’s very threatening. One common pathway to affairs occurs when somebody starts confiding negative things about their marriage to a person of the opposite sex. What they’re doing is signaling: “I’m vulnerable; I may even be available.” The third element is sexual chemistry. That can occur even if two people don’t touch. If one says, “I’m really attracted to you,” or “I had a dream about you last night, but, of course, I’m married
