What is the best way to have a conversation with a workplace bully?
Bullying, if it’s going to work, is utterly dependent on your reactions and has to keep you off balance. If you back off, then a bully’s distortions and threats succeed. If you counterattack, you teach your counterpart that she can wind you up and get a big reaction. But a bullying ploy only carries weight if you are vulnerable to it. And, unilaterally, you can immunize against your own vulnerabilities. Where are you exposed? What did your counterpart just do and what can you do when that happens? Rather than a defensive or offensive strategy, work on a balanced strategy for protecting yourself. It’s great if you know you’re supposed to have a difficult conversation with someone in advance—that way you can plan out everything you want to say. What should you do if a difficult conversation is sprung on you? Actually, planning out everything you want to say has two problems that will come back to haunt you: the tendency to script a monologue and the assumption that careful preparation me
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