What does Santa Claus have to do with Christmas?
A.) Boy I could do a whole article on that one. I probably have. The short version is there was this religious Looney, St. Nicholas, who left money in foot related garments. Then some paper published the poem “The Night Before Christmas”, which apparently isn’t even the actual title and isn’t about feet very much at all. Anyway, people went bugshit over that poem because it was before TV. Then the Coca Cola company ran a series of ads depicting Santa as a white bearded red suited coke swillin’ fatty, which is pretty much how we picture him today, except for today’s kids who have lately become to confuse him with a fat, coke swillin’ Polar Bear. IMPORTANT NOTE! Polar bears are NOT cute. They are perfect killing machines, the second most vicious and spiteful animal on the planet right after Stingrays. They will maul you in a heartbeat and keep you at death’s door for hours playing with your organs right in front of you, which is the real reason we invented Global warming.
