What distinguishes an addiction from healthy love?
When you’re addicted to someone, you’re using them. You’re getting high. You can actually feel the chemicals dropping down into your system, the warm pinging of your nerves. You’re escaping reality. It’s not really about them, or even about the two of you. Because if you’re addicted, life is unsatisfying when you’re on your own. So when you find a mate, you tend to glom on, become inseparable, suffocate, suck each other dry. You’re not trying to partner; you’re trying to merge. You’re trying to take the love you never got as a kid. You may as well attach a siphon to your lover. You’re holding them hostage with your feelings. Only now it’s too late. Your chance to have unconditional parental love has unfortunately passed. And until you give up that futile quest, you won’t experience healthy relationships. That’s addictive “love.” Whereas with healthy love, you’re two separate, (relatively) mature people coming together to share two strong solid lives. At least that’s what I hear!
