What causes someone to become codependent?
We become codependent through living in systems (e.g. families) with rules in place that hinder development to some degree. The system has developed in response to a problem such as alcoholism, mental or physical illness, or some other “family secret” or issue. Examples of rules within families that may cause codependency include: • Do not talk about problems. • Do not express feelings openly. Keep them to yourself. • Communicate indirectly; let one person act as messenger between two others, known in therapy as “triangulation”. • Be strong, good, right and correct. Be perfect. • Make us proud – beyond realistic expectations. • Don’t be selfish. • Do as I say, not as I do. • Do not play or be playful. • Don’t rock the boat. • Don’t break the rules. Many families have one or more of these rules in place. Some families have them all. They almost always hinder the free and healthy development of self-esteem and coping skills. As a result, children can cultivate mental, emotional, and beha
