What are the hot-button topics for mothers and daughters?
DT: I came across so many examples of mothers making critical remarks about their daughters’ hair. After all, isn’t it a mother’s prerogative, if not her obligation, to make sure her daughter looks her best? But where the mother sees caring, the daughter sees her mother’s scrutiny as confirming her own fears-that she’s flawed. If a mother says that her daughter should lose 15 pounds, the daughter thinks she should probably lose 20. So it’s important, as a mother, not to offer advice or criticism-especially about appearance-unless you are asked. And even then, be careful. And don’t forget the power of praise. A lot of grown-up daughters feel that their mothers are trying to meddle in their lives, with too many comments, too many questions. Is that true? DT: A mother may ask a question or say something because she’s trying to connect with her daughter. But the daughter hears the remark as trying to butt in. In researching the book, I heard from so many mothers: “I can’t open my mouth! Wh
