What are the arguments for couples to have joint vs. separate accounts?
We have joint accounts. I work outside the home, he doesn’t. I have a SSN, he doesn’t. He does have a separate account in the mother country, but he barely uses it. Having separate accounts would be infeasible. I pay all the bills and handle the paperwork. He hates paperwork. It works out well. I’m the spender in the relationship, he is the saver. Since he doesn’t go over the paperwork, I don’t get hassled on spending. I do, however, give him an oral report on the state of our accounts at least monthly. I’ve reformed some of my spender tendencies since I became the sole keeper of the household income (which keeps us lawfully in the country). Doing verbal reporting keeps me honest. I think that part of the reason this works out well is because he came into the relationship with assets that we are using, so he definitely feels like he is contributing (and spending his own money).
We’re trying joint accounts, though we both still have separate credit card debt that we’re working on paying off together. My father has really strong feelings about couples having joint finances. He likes to make this analogy: many families today can afford to have a TV in every room of the house. When they have this, each person in the family can go to their own room in the evening and watch whatever show he or she wants to watch. That’s all fine, except that nobody ends up spending any time together, or having those small (but meaningful) conversations about what show to watch, what they thought of the show, or any shared experience from something as everyday as watching TV. Finances are kind of the same way. Yep, it can be easy and convenient for each person in a couple to do their own thing. But it’s more meaningful to the relationship if you share and have the conversations that help you work it out. I think it’s an interesting theory. I can’t say it’s exactly why we decided to
My wife and I keep separate accounts, too. We’ve been together for, er (does some quick math), nearly eighteen years, and separate accounts have served us well. Initially, we had separate accounts because I was a spendthrift. And we each wanted autonomy. We wanted to be able to spend our own money without accountability. My wife wanted to be able to buy shoes and plants and kitchen gadgets without me complaining. I wanted to buy comic books and computers. Whenever we move to a new place, we divvy up the bills. Right now, my wife pays for the “practical” things (sewer, electicity, etc.). I pay for the “fun” things (cable, phone, etc.). We each contribute equally to the mortgage. I carry a home equity loan that is all my own because it represents my former credit card debt. Only when we bought our new home did we establish a joint account. We have a pooled emergency fund, which we’ve had to draw upon a couple of times. (Stupid old house.) This system works for us. We like it. Whereas man
