Someone I know has been sexually assaulted – what is NOT helpful?
Don’t give advice or try to tell him what to do. Don’t tell her what you would have done. Don’t ask her why she didn’t scream or fight. This can feel blaming, even if you didn’t intend it that way. Don’t ask the survivor if she did anything to “lead him on.” This includes asking what she was wearing, asking why she was with him, etc. The assailant made a choice to commit an assault; he could have chosen otherwise. Don’ t prevent her from talking about the rape if she wants to. Nobody willingly “dwells on it.” If she wants to talk about it, she deserves to be able to do so. You don’t have to be available 24 hours a day; you can suggest that she call her local sexual assault crisis center or the Iowa Sexual Abuse Hotline (1-800-284-7821) or other resources as well. Don’t insist that he talk to someone about it. Talking to a stranger, even if it’s a counselor on a rape-crisis line, can feel scary and intrusive. Talking to someone close may not feel comfortable either. Not every. one finds
