Past Relationship Baggage – a deal breaker?
I think you might need to relax and back off a bit, frankly. Three months is nothing in the grand scheme of things and I truly think that some element of Zen is necessary in relationships, especially long term (or potential long term) ones. I suspect that YOU hardly truly know if this will be long-term or not at this point. I really do understand how frustrating this must be for you, but I think it’s in your own best interests to respect his disinclination to talk right now, and sit back and bit and see what happens. He either can’t or won’t open up as much as you want right now, and either way, you’ll know soon enough and can base your next move on that. Trust isn’t something you can force, the best way to earn it is to BE trustworthy, and he’ll either trust you when he’s ready, or he won’t (also, he may just not be the sort of person who can easily have deep, emotional conversations even when he DOES trust someone, it’s a whole lot more work for some people than others). You are not
He claims that he doesn’t have the “emotional capital” to spend on a relationship right now About 10 years ago, a guy I was involved with said essentially said the exact same thing to me. And you know what I did? I ignored it. I did everything I (and my friends) could possibly think of to “make him” trust me, feel emotionally open, heal the wounds of his past manipulative/dominating girlfriend, etc. The entire process turned out to be one of the most crippling, esteem-wrecking traumas of my 20s. The thing is, sometimes guys do actually say exactly what they mean. We ladies may like to dress it up into some complex, nuanced narrative that we think needs to be decoded, but that can be a real mistake. If he says he doesn’t have the emotional capital to spend on a relationship, he doesn’t have the emotional capital to spend on a relationship. Period. Look, he may indeed be scarred by a past relationship. He may indeed like you very much. You two may indeed be clicking together. He may seem
