Need advice – should I contact trading standards and failing that, the police?
The advice from the Police is likely to be that this is a civil matter although it is bordering on fraud by false representation due to the issue with the colour of the table. However, this is VERY thin and I doubt it would stick in a Court of law and without knowing the full circumstances, how the thing was packaged, what was written on the box, any signs displayed in the shop at the time etc, it would be difficult to give a fully accurate answer. Having complained about bad service in shops myself, my best advice would be to stay calm, see what happens with the new table and ask to speak to managers if they are not forthcoming. If all else fails report them to trading standards. As for the swearing issue, this is an offence under section 5 of the public order act, causing harassment alarm or distress but again I would need to know the full circumstances to give a fully accurate answer. Good luck in resolving it!
