My three year old daughter suddenly refuses to go to her grandparents house. Should I make her go?
HAVE YOU ASKED YOUR DAUGHTER WHY SHE DOESN’T WANT TO GO TO THEIR HOUSE? YOU SHOULD TRY ASKING HER. PERHAPS SHE IS JEALOUS OF THE SOON TO BE NEW ARRIVAL AND CRAVING ALL YOUR ATTENTION. I THINK YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR HUSBANDS STEP-MOM ABOUT YOUR CONCERNS AND BY DOING THIS NOW YOU COULD AVOID A CONFLICT LATER. EXPLAIN THAT YOUR DAUGHTER IS GETTING UPSET AT THE THOUGHT OF GOING, AND MAKE SURE THAT THEY KNOW HOW LONG YOUR DAUGHTER IS ALLOWED TO STAY AND THAT YOU WANT HER BACK AT THE TIMES ARRANGED. IF YOUR DAUGHTER CONTINUES TO GET UPSET THEN I WOULD ONLY ALLOW HER TO VISIT WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER TO AVOID PUTING HER THROUGH THIS STRESS. I DONT AGREE THAT THIS MAKES HER SPOILT!!
I do not like this at all. I had a mother-in-law just like yours and my little girl would refuse point blank to stay with her on her own. As a result we always went as a family or the in-laws came to us. My daughter subsequently told me that my mother-in-law frightened her, criticised what I did, told her that a new baby would take all my time and she would be better off coming to live with her. The fact that your in-laws refused to bring her back when she asked is very telling. Also it sounds as if your mother-in-law is trying to compensate for her lack of children by trying to get your daughter as a substitute. Something has been said or there is something that happens in their house which disturbs your child and makes her feel uneasy or frightens her. Just tell your in-laws that your daughter is feeling very unsecure at the moment and you need to give her as much reassurance as you can. She feels abandonned when she is left on her own with them and therefore they are welcome to visi
Sounds to me like you need to talk to your in-laws. They need to respect your parenting, and if not they won’t get to spend time with the child. Explain to them how your daughter feels and that you are concerned because of things they have said in the past. Tell them that you need to put the needs of your kids first, and if you feel like they are stepping in the way of that they won’t get to see her. It sounds harsh, and it will cause problems, but they are adults and should be able to understand that you are just looking out for your daughter.
Don’t force her to do anything. Play the whole situation down. Explain to your in-laws that she has a problem and there will be no regular visits until you have sorted it out. Their reaction doesn’t matter, your daughter is the only one you need to be concerned over. Don’t mention the visits to your daughter for several days then begin to casually reintroduce the idea of a visit. Ask her in a very laid back way whether she fancies going to see them one day soon, if she says no just say ok and try again a week later. You could also pretend to be shocked when you count up the number of days since you last visited and ask her if she wants to write them a letter asking how they are. You could do this together and she could put some drawings/paintings into the envelope. If they have any sense they will reply in a very lighthearted way and hopefully win her back. I hope all goes well for you, please don’t worry and don’t attach too much importance to this. Take care of yourself.
