My mother and step-father live in a distant state and I have just found out that he is seriously ill and probably dying. How can I help him to die well?
A. There are a number of questions behind and within the one you asked: How involved should I be? How important is it for him to see me? Would I be able to take the stress of being involved? If I can only visit once, when should I go? What can I do from this distance? Only you know the history and status of your relationship with your step-father. If it has been loving and mutually supportive, I encourage you to stay involved through frequent phone conversations with your step-father, mother and care givers around them. If things between you have been distant, uneasy or openly conflicted, take stock: Do you have things that you need to say to your step-father? Is this a chance to write a happier ending to this chapter of your family’s story? Does it matter to you whether the relationship ends well? If you made an attempt and it failed, would it matter to you to have tried? Be honest with yourself in asking these questions. If you remain in doubt, I encourage you to lean toward being mo
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