My husband was abused as a child…how can I make sure he won continue the cycle?
My child’s father was also physically and emotional abused, horribly, in his bio and foster homes. He has some issues because of it but he never even come close to hitting or even spanking his child and it is because he was so abused and he never wants to be like the people that hurt him. Hopefully your guy will be the same. However, I would watch his interaction with his child at first just to be safe because when people grow up in an environment like that they are more likely to abuse than someone who grew up in a loving home. That is why they call it the cycle of abuse.
People usually react 2 ways when abused… 1) They carry on the characteristics of the abuser and start mistreating others. This is seen and expressed at an early age, usually by a violent and aggressive temper (towards animals and people) coupled with EXTREME sexual tendencies in order to release stress and “dominate” their victims. OR 2) The person “disassociates” themselves from violence. becomes more or less mild tempered, and releases his/her stress in other ways. If your husband has never been abusive chances are he won’t start now. My family is like yours, my father was abused by his mother and he returned the favor to me. I found my outlet in martial arts and cycling and have never been abusive towards anyone.
As an abused kid from 13 different foster homes I know that “cycle” is not ALWAYS true, sometimes its a great thing to happen cause it shows us what NOT to do with our kids. You married this man, you know he’s good, I’m sure he’s not going to touch his kids and mess themup like that because he knows how bad it is. Everyone has a temper when they are mad, but sit down and talk to him about it, he’s going to get offended but this talk needs to happen.
