Mom had a massive heart attack and is in a coma. How can she possibly say “The Four Things”?
A. When someone is in a coma it is hard to know exactly what they can hear, feel and think. I choose to err on the side of assuming a person in coma can hear and feel. Thus, simple explanations, human voice and touch remain important elements of care. Your mother is now beyond the ability to say “the four things and goodbye” but perhaps she can listen. Remember that the purpose of the four things is to complete relationships and “good-bye” began in the blessing, “God be with you.” It will do no harm and might be an extraordinary gift to tell her you love her and that you will miss her. When there has been emotional conflict or turmoil within families, the impending death of a family member can be an opportunity for healing. What would your mother have wanted to see happen most before she died? If the answer is that she would have liked to see you and your father or sister forgive each other for past hurts, consider what a gift doing so could be to her. When they can be said honestly, f
