Met a girl, she has a boyfriend, so what to do?
Saying ‘no’ is a point-blank refusal. Period. This is bullshit. Human relationships aren’t some binary on-off thing no matter how hard people want to believe otherwise. This idea is that an involved woman is ‘off limits’ to any male attention is just childish and archaic. It’s quite possible to be friends with a married woman and there be a ‘history’ behind the friendship. Believe it or not this kind of thing happens all the time. Anyways, it doesn’t hurt to try. It doesn’t sound like you’ve done anything wrong or been an asshole to her. In fact it sounds like you’ve been a perfect gentleman to her and I’m sure she appreciates that. If you like her as a friend then pursue her as a friend. I can’t imagine a guy can have too many beautiful casino dealer friends. But if you do pursue her as a friend then you have to make it very clear that you’re not coming on romantically. Unfortunately you’ve already jumped the gun and, uh, shot yourself in the foot. It’ll be a lot more difficult to bui
First of all, I feel your pain, as do most people on this page. We’ve all been there. I blame every single romantic comedy (going back since before movies existed) for, uh, romanticizing the idea of pining after someone in an unrequited fashion. Never mind that she said no; you should not be fixated on someone who lives far away who you only see on a very infrequent basis. That’s just not a good basis for a relationship. And would you really want to become involved in a relationship with someone who probably talks to dozens of reasonably attractive men every single day? Especially since you sound like the quiet, non-aggressive non-player type, even if she was smitten with you you probably wouldn’t do well in the relationship. As someone who has managed to become friends with an ex that I once pined for, I can tell you there is only one solution to get over your heartache, and that is to find someone or something else to fill that void. A new job is a great idea, but not one where you’r
I can rationally say it’s not a case of me trying to be closer to her. I am sooooo not buying this. Humans are not rational creatures. We are rationalizing creatures. I find it hard to believe (though possible) that your wanting to move there and become a dealer like her is completely orthogonal to the crush you have on her. Good luck with whatever you do. But I’d suggest being brutally honest with yourself about how much you really want to move to that city and be a dealer. I say this because it is not unheard of for people to fool themselves in these circumstances, often with disastrous results. And I say this because I’ve been there. Crushes do not hone our rational abilities, they thwart them. And yeah, dude, she told you no. She was polite to you about it, too. Take that as a blessing.
Okay, first of all I appreciate the (rational) responses; it was a lot more than I was expecting. Just to clear things up, I first saw her in my first visit to the city a year ago. It was this last trip, a few months ago, that I actually got to talk to her, so I suppose she’d probably remember me to some extent. And we talked about what her job was like, and how much I hated mine. Honestly, being miserable at work (and having the same bank account balance) once I got back was what made me seriously consider working over there instead. If she moved out today, it’d be one predicament I wouldn’t have to worry about. Also, I’d told her that I was a regular at the place (when in town), so even if I do run into her again, I don’t think she’d infer that I came back solely to see her. I also mentioned that one of her supervisors that I’d met there before was from my hometown, whom I’ve called and do plan on seeing there. Maybe the title was misleading, but I’m not trying to imply that I need i
