Lets just be friends.
Alternately, cmyr, just email her this link and have her email it to dude in question. It should clear that little problem right up. I strenuously disagree. Romantic issues should be handled in person whenever possible and never passed on via email or other online methods. And I side with those who have mentioned that the right course is to consciously adjusting body language and flirting issues to send the “not interested” message. Otherwise, wait and let the guy make the move, then firmly and unambiguously shoot him down. But don’t be the one to bring it up first. And never use someone you’ve previously shot down as a cry pillow. Never ever ever. That’s just wrong on so many levels. On preview: Dammit scarabic, now you’re making me want to delete my post!
Let me make this clear. I have female friends. Several of them. Some of them very, very close (shit, I live with one). But, the fact of the matter is, I would willingly sleep with all of them whom I find attractive. I don’t actively pursue, and don’t expect, to ever have anything other than friendship with any of them. But, I’m still jealous when they kiss somebody else; I still hope I can have more. Every male I’ve talked to, regardless of sexuality, has felt the same way about the gender of his preference. You cannot turn off the fact that men consider all women possible mates. If you’d like to understand further, read this site. It will illuminate you.
I’s just funnin’, DaShiv. OK, one more time: This is not the place for that. If you have a helpful answer, provide it. If all you have is jokes, snarks, or other forms of noise, go back to MetaTalk where you will be, if not necessarily appreciated, at least not blatantly violating the rules. And jonson, mischief, that goes double for you. Knock it off. As for the question: Yes, the seek-and-fuck impulse does seem to be hardwired into most males, and can often be hard to maintain man/woman friendships, especially in those early hormone-drenched years. But it’s not impossible. The woman needs to be aware of the difficulty and not make it worse by thoughtlessly acting sexual around her male friend, and of course the man needs to stifle the occasional “let’s take this to the next step” impulse (especially when alcohol is involved). I have as many female friends as male, and have since grad school days, but it hasn’t always been easy.
I’d tell her to treat him exactly like one of her girlfriends (assuming, for the sake of argument, that she isn’t interested in females). She should say exactly the sort of thing she says with her girlfriends. She should discuss guys, for example, in woman-to-woman fashion. She should look right past him to check out other guys and follow up with whatever comments (perhaps “I’d like to…”) she’d say to a woman. She should fart and belch and curse and scratch her crotch and pick her teeth, if that’s what she’d do when there are only women around. She should make it clear that, as far as she’s concerned, he’s not a member of the opposite sex, he’s a friend. If that doesn’t take the romantic edge off his view of her, he’s odd. And if he vanishes, she’ll know he wasn’t her bud after all. OMG, mark that as the best of best answers. That is exactly how my best friend behaves. I am her best “girlfriend” and it’s a hoot! Plus, it works perfectly: it somehow makes the idea of sex repugnant.
I second what ffff just said. pracowity’s answer is the only one that makes any sense. It also brings up the double-standard: If part of the reason she wants him around is to feel “desirable” by having a man around but not one that she wants to pursue in anyway then thats not being fair to him. I’m a fairly sensitive guy but the only true female friends (i.e. not pursuing) I have are also ex-girlfriends who, some time after the breakup, we realized we still had stuff in common, just not romantically. So, the tension is in the past and the sexual curiosity was appeased.
