Is there really such thing as a happy marriage?
Lots of ’em, many of them second marriages. It has a lot to do with maturity, I’m afraid, something that’s necessarily a gift of age. People who allow TV/film writers to set the parameters of their relationship are invariably unhappy as the advertisers intend them to be in order to sell more stuff. If the participants themselves make the rules, the relationships are happy. One group relies on illusion, the other on reality. Also, when people take responsibility for setting the parameters, they tend to be much more liberal with one another. They realize they are liberators, not jailers and that one person cannot possibly give another everything that other needs. Also, maturity/experience suggests that the notion of unconditional love is not helpful in marriage, which ultimately requires constant nurturing and negotiation to keep up with the changes each partner undergoes (in addition to the changing maturing whelps). I, too, make a study of these things. Do visit. Click around.
I like to believe there are…one thing a happy marriage needs is two fully developed individuals…if you define your entire identity as wife & mother, not only would you be lost & devastated if it didn’t work out, but you increase the chances of him getting bored with you & moving on. Find other goals & interests so you can be a true partner and bring something to the relationship besides dependence on him.
Well, there’s no happily ever after, if that’s what you mean. As girls we have been conditioned to believe Prince Charming will come along some day, sweep us off our feet and then we will live happily ever after. It’s a terrible thing to put into little girls heads, because it doesn’t let you prepare for the real world or let you know the truth which is that all relationships require work, respect and mutual tolerance. And a lot of forgiveness. But yes, I have seen some relationships that last and have more to them than boredom, disillusionment, and apathy. Some people still talk to one another, are happy to see each other at the end of the day and work together to fend of the vicissitudes of the world. But you both have to get around the awful expectation that you will just fall into one anothers’ arms and all will be bliss. You need to start off by really liking each other. It helps if you have shared interests and both have the same basic world view. Don’t expect the other person to
Marriage turns the relationship one has with oneself – the ME factor – upside down in to a relationship with one another – the WE factor. It takes courage, support and perseverance to sail through the storms of a marriage. It takes trust, love and respect to succeed in the voyage. It takes sacrifice, tolerance and forgiveness to give meaning to the relationship. Married couples fight, argue and have differences of opinion. It is the ability to hold hands over the disagreements and love over the arguments that make a successful marriage. PS: It all looks very depressing for two reasons: (1) Humans in general emphasize on the negativism of life instead of the positive aspects (2) too many marriages are consumed by the ME factor in their lives.
Yes, there are happy marriages, plenty of them. You have to keep in mind that outward show of affection is not the only sign of a happy marriage. People who are emotionally restrained can have happy relationships, and people who are very expressive emotionally can be unhappy. You have to look deeper.
