Is there anything in the Bible that can help one justify the estrangement of an abusive parent?
I’m also estranged from my mother. I’m not aware of anything in the Bible that specifically references handling abusive parents. It does say to forgive and to turn the other cheek in general. You say you feel you don’t need to forgive her because you’re not angry and realize she has a disease. Sounds to me like you’ve already forgiven her! But I don’t think you’re committing any sin by staying away. I would even say it’s dangerous for you to keep her in your life. She’s no longer behaving like a parent, for one. I would, however, suggest being there for her if she reaches out to you in need. Other than that, reconciliation isn’t a requirement and does not have to go hand-in-hand with forgiveness.
I sympathize with your situation, for it is nearly identical to my own. My mother is mentally ill and has been almost all her life. I attribute most of the abuse that I suffered to this fact. After I started my adult life, I severed all ties with her. It was 90% spite and 10% self-defense. Over the intervening years, I came to be a Christian and that 90/10 balance began to shift. In time, I forgave her for the things that she did. The specific point of her mental illness as it pertains to her culpability isn’t relevant to me. What matters is that I no longer hold her actions against her in an emotional way; I have relieved her of her obligation to apologize. I do, however, consider her mental illness when it comes to decisions about how to interact with her. I’m now old enough and wise enough to be able to be in her presence and process the venom that sometimes escapes her lips. I can contextualize it and not let it harm my thought processes. My three young children, however, cannot. S
(I hope you see this. I try to post it yesterday and then lost my internet connection.) I was in the ministry for twenty years. I’ve talked with church members who are dealing with these issues, and for quite some time my own wife was estranged from her toxic parents. Not only did we have to work out these issues with our own family, we also had to deal with people in the church who were aghast and disappointed that the pastor’s wife didn’t talk to her parents. “What kind of example does that set!” I’ll tell you some of the conclusions that we came to: 1) Yes, the Bible says to honor your parents, but it doesn’t really address what to do when they are dishonoring themselves. We said this again and again to my wife’s sisters, who were indoctrinated to believe that pointing out their parent’s bad behavior or setting boundaries was a failure to honor them. My position then and now is that their refusal to set healthy boundaries and limit bad behavior was really what was dishonoring their
