How to learn both black and white magic?
Magic is magic. The only thing that separates “black magic” from “white magic” is how it’s used. The exact same spell can be used to both help and harm. And magic–real magic–is focused intent. It takes a strong mind and will to force the universe to bend the way you want it to, even for a few seconds or to accomplish a single result. So if you “need it to keep living”–maybe you’d better look at other ways to solve your problems before turning to magic.