How to find the perfect balance between dialogue and storyline?
I think it was extremely well played out. The dialogue didn’t seem cheesy and you didn’t make the characters go on long rants, either. You have the perfect blend of a character’s description and a character’s dialect. From just that paragraph I learned a lot about both of the characters. Dialogue is important when someone needs to say something. There is rarely silence between people and if there is, that can be cured by a few sentences. I like your idea of writing a dialect sentence and then adding a description (or action) after it. It speeds the story along so the reader will stay interested. My only critique is to write more. You have some talent and I would love to see where the story goes.
