How Do You Win The Indianapolis 500 In An Old Ford Pinto?
What’s so impressive about winning the Indy 500 in a million-dollar state-of-the art vehicle? It happens every year and frankly I’m a bit under-whelmed. With the following advice you could win driving anything-even a Ford Pinto! With legal help, have an anti-nepotism rule passed eliminating anyone related to the Unsers, Andrettis, Pettys, Jarretts, and so forth. This will pare down the competition considerably. Replace the Pinto’s engine with that of a much superior vehicle. An AMC Pacer for example. Break into “the Brickyard” before sunrise, shoot off the starter’s gun and start driving. Early bird gets the worm. Put the pedal to the metal and drive your car for all it’s worth, even daring to reach its extreme limits of 60 or 70 miles per hour. If the other racers start catching up, take a shortcut by cutting across the middle of the racetrack repeatedly. Closest distance is a straight line, remember? As other cars try to pass you, gesticulate wildly at their rear tires as if somethin
