How do people go about bringing honest communication into their friendships and relationships?
From my point of view, if you’ve got a beef with me, I’d much rather you just came out and told me before it got serious. I’m a strong believer in dealing with issues before they become problems or deal-breakers. That goes in my personal, professional, and social lives. I honestly don’t understand people who aren’t frank, open and upfront about when they’re having an issue – all bottling it up does is make everyone unhappy and uncomfortable. I’ve been on the recieving end of that sort of behaviour, and it’s awful. I dislike being treated with various passive-aggressive behaviours when they won’t come out and tell me what’s wrong. I don’t have ESP, I can’t fix it if I don’t know what it is – and in the meantime, there’s a lot of dissonance and negativity floating around. For me, it takes a lot less courage to be upfront and honest than it does to take the supposed ‘cowards’ way out, and hide how I feel. I’d rather face the pinprick now than the nuclear meltdown later.
After three years of finding sacred ground of communication with my husband I have found the following things to be effective when trying to have an open relationship: 1) DO NOT ever speak when you are upset or when you or both of you are busy. Also, do not choose the time when the both of you are watching tv or something where the other person is trying to relax or focus on something else. Give them a heads up with “I need to talk to you about something later.” And leave it at that. Do not bring up what it is, even if they ask, just say “later.” 2) The phrase “When this happens, it makes me feel ____.” DO NOT ever use accusatory words that start with “when you do this…” No matter your tone or your intentions, people will get defensive and the conversation will just escalate. 3) NEVER EVER bring up the past. I know a lot of people like to bring up examples to prove their point, especially if it is something that has not changed, but it is a bad idea. You are not trying to prove a poi
