How do I stay strong for my child who has cancer?
Firstly, let me say that I am sorry about your daughters illness. My daughter was diagnosed with AML in January this year, she was 2 and a half at the time. She was so ill she began her treatment in the intensive care unit with machines helping her to breathe as she also had a mass on her chest which was pushing on her lungs. She is now in remission after 5 rounds of chemo, she didn’t have a bone marrow transplant as my other children were not a match for her and the risks of a non related donor outweighed the benefits as her treatment was going well. I was much the same as you, I didn’t want her to see me cry because I didn’t want to upset her. But there were times when she saw me cry. There is no answer to how you can stay strong for her, you just will, as I did for my girl. People are always saying they don’t know how we coped with it, but we didn’t have a choice, you just do what you have to for your kids.
I hope this helps you.I am a retired nurse and I have have worked with kids in your child’s condition.I have always let the child take the lead – if they want to talk about dying let them – and respond in terms they will understand,let them see you cry.They know you are hurting too.Kids are,sometimes ,smarter than adults in these situations.I agreed with many children to help them with the tough stuff – be there for all the things that hurt and explain it all.I have seen parents shave their heads,hook up IV’s to empathize and take time from work just to be there.And the most important thing I can tell you is tell them you love them – every day- for as long as they live.I lost my son at 25 in Iraq while he was in the Army and I would give anything to have 1 more minute with him.I will keep you in my prayers.
One thing that I know has helped a co-worker’s daughter stay positive was his willingness to “suffer” with her. He shaved his head bald (so did his wife and son), trained for a marathon to benefit children with Leukemia, and vows to eat nasty foods & drink nasty drinks each time she has to go through another round of chemo. He also started a blog, which isn’t so much sacrificial as it is a chance to vent.
