How do I maintain a good relationship with my stepkids when their mother is always putting me down?
I don’t say anything negative about her. A: Step-mothering is the most politically loaded family relationship there is. People who haven’t experienced it don’t realise how clever and manipulative children can be. You have the added problem of their biological mother in their ears with her own agenda. All you can do is be your real self. Don’t try to win any popularity contest with them. If you do, they get to be the one in control of accepting or rejecting your efforts. You need to make them bring the relationship to you. If you stay neutral, you can be warm and friendly if they behave well, and treat them offhandedly if they are being awful. If they see that it doesn’t matter to you either way, it will become more and more important to them to win your approval and then you have more power. Most children seek approval and will want yours if they see they can’t manipulate you. You don’t need them to like you or vice versa. You married their father with whom you have chemistry. That doe
