How do I get the intimacy back?
If you are trying to “make” sex okay again, chances are your partner is going to feel some performance anxiety. I have found that when one partner is having trouble sexually for whatever reason, it helps to let go of being goal-oriented. Just find relaxed, sensual/sexual ways to be together that are comfortable and safe. Showering together and other time spent naked together can help, as can “foreplay” with no expectation of sex. Is she comfortable having you masturbate around her? This can be a nice way for partners to share a sexual experience that is very low-pressure. I wouldn’t be offended by the fact that she is most comfortable with sex when drinking. Don’t take it personally – it seems like alcohol is relaxing her enough that she can find the experience pleasurable. And I would hold off on thinking about ending the relationship for now. Try adopting a different attitude about physical intimacy (together) and see what happens.
