How do I calm irrational pregnancy fears?
When I was 19, I went through a time of being in a flop-sweat over pregnancy, no matter how irrational I knew it to be, despite negative pregnancy tests, despite this not being my first relationship, despite liking the guy a lot, etc, etc — and at that time I was not stupid, crazy, molested, or a whore. What I was, was anxious. Partly the pill, partly my parents getting divorced, partly who knows what — it manifested as crazy pregnancy anxiety. My boyfriend was bewildered, too. After a while I guess I felt safe enough to really talk to him about my parents and the stress of my life, and once I did, it went away. NB, to those following along at home, Methylviolet was crazy there. My own particular solution to similar problems has been a mental resolution to stop dating virgins. I haven’t kept to it, and I’ve regretted not keeping to it. That doesn’t help you a whole lot if you want to stay w
Speaking as a woman (which I don’t think that many in this thread are) (and I do not speak for all women, just *a* woman), pregnancy can be a terrifying idea. I’m smart, I know how biology works, but getting pregnant right now would really change my life in a lot of ways — so no matter how careful you can be, the haunting fear is always there, and there’s a little smile of triumph for beating nature every time your period comes. Now, that said, what outweighs this fear is the enjoyment of the relationship. It makes it worth the risk, and the knowledge that “things would change, but it would still be okay.” But I haven’t always felt that way. In previous relationships, I panicked a lot — but usually to myself, not to my boyfriend, because he’d start Googling and show me things on the internet claiming logically there’s nothing I had to worry about — doing much of what you guys are saying, “Doesn’t she know biology?” Of course I did. But I felt unready for most of what was going on, l
I am a woman. I started having sex and went on the pill at 19. The pill totally made me crazy for three months. I didn’t have pregnancy anxiety but rather blood clot anxiety (as it’s one of the risks of the pill). But it was totally there. Irrational fear of a blood clot stressing me out then causing me to feel tension in my legs convincing me I was going to have a blood clot, and so on. Anyway I think MANY of the things listed here are possibilities. 1. She doesn’t understand how pregnancy and birth control works. Is she in college? Her school (or Planned Parenthood, if she’s not) may have a workshop. I went to one…it went though all the birth control options available at the time and exactly how to use them and how they work, as well as going over the whole female reproductive anatomy. Frankly I don’t see how knowing when her “fertile days” are will help her if it’s not even clear to her that she’s not fertile at all if she’s taking the pill right, and that she’s not getting semen
I was not stupid, crazy, molested, or a whore — it manifested as crazy pregnancy anxiety Ah, I see the difference. C’mon, man, don’t call her “crazy”; that’s in really poor taste. Actually, I agree. I woke up this morning somewhat regretting it. But I was angry on behalf of the poster. I’ve been in a somewhat similar situation and it was downright infuriating, and totally destructive to our relationship, both of our mental well-being, and my ego. Having a girl start crying during the middle of sex because “she might get pregnant” or “I feel like a whore” doesn’t exactly make you feel like a sexual superhero. Even worse, she refused to take the pill because that would mean “she was a slut” or some ridiculous nonsense. I look back at that time of my life with a mixture of relief, pity, and shame. (As an aside, like a poster above mentioned, we actually did turn to anal sex to help alleviate her fears.) I stand by my assertion that there is no excuse, of any kind, for a grown woman who h
I was, when younger, much like the base note writer’s girlfriend — I had an irrational fear of pregnancy despite much knowledge of how pregnancy worked. In my case (which is not necessarily what the BNW is dealing with, but): 1) I had been molested as a child and raped as a teen. 2) I had been brought up in a very conservative Catholic diocese and felt really guilty about having sex before marriage back then. 3) I had some problems with the hormones in the Pill (although, 20 years ago, pills were heavier-dosage) 4) I had (and still have, 20 years later) OCD. I’m not saying that all of these are in play in the base note writer’s case, but any one of these could be causing irrational fears. Irrational fears are not something that can be reasoned out of without external support without counseling. And, for all of you who are referring to the base note writer’s girlfriend as a “wack job”, look within and work on your compassion lest you be judged as harshly by an ignorant external source.
