How can I tell if my 3 y.o. grandson was molested?
Hermitosis and PhoBWanKenobi, usually I totally agree with you (and I do agree that it should be up to the parents), but I’m going to have to disagree with you here. The reason that these sorts of cases are “hotly debated” stems from irresponsible interviewing practices from the 80s and 90s. As a result of the backlash, practices have been refined greatly. Interviewers at child assessment centers go through extensive training so to not glean information that’s not there, and many prosecutors will not press charges without a great deal of evidence. For reasons including concerns hermitosis expressed, if it was my child, I would hesitate to have him interviewed by a detective who does not have extensive experience in forensic interviewing. Lots of kids don’t show any outward signs of abuse, so not showing any signs is not a great indicator that nothing is happening. In my mind, the consequences of ignoring it when there’s something going on are greater than the consequences of reporting
Well, being the daughter of someone who was falsely accused of child molestation (and the mentally-ill drugged up ex later admitted it after the fact [but that doesn’t change anything because of the new sex offender laws]), I would like to advise you that if you would be literally messing with someone’s life. Since the parent’s feel fine about it, I’m guessing the issue will be dropped if you decide to get the police involved and the employee denies it. If you feel this needs to be done, I guess go ahead an call the police, though. Otherwise you’ll never let it go, IMO. I know three year-olds vary in their speech, but maybe he did say “wiped”. Or maybe he meant something else. My nephew gets his words confused and says some ridiculous things – I don’t if its stuff he’s seen on television or in dreams – or maybe he’s not using words correctly. Like, he’s say that the store was one fire. And no offense to you, but since all this sex-offender stuff came into the media so strong, a lot peo
I wish I could have my account re-activated just for these kinds of questions where I just can’t ignore them. As I preface all of these types of answers, I am married to a an early childhood education consultant who has been in her field for 16 years. In that time she has never heard of a credible case of sexual misconduct at a daycare/preschool. It has has happened, but the odds are very, very slim. Children don’t have a pure sense of reality. My toddler told me this morning that she rode a horse in our yard yesterday. We don’t have a horse. Our yard is not big enough for a horse to take more than a couple steps in any direction. Our yard is covered in three feet of snow. My daughter didn’t go outside yesterday except to get to the car and back once. My daughter has never actually been on a horse. There’s absolutely no basis to the story, and that’s fine and normal. I feel a little uncomfortable when my daughter tells us that she has a pet chipmunk that lives in a quart-sized empty yo
I’ll say this and then I’ll step out of this thread. The odds are incredibly slanted to your grandson having fabricated this story or you simply misunderstanding what he said. There simply aren’t that many people that sexually abnormal out there, even fewer sociopathic enough to act on those urges. and even fewer in regular employment. This is misleading and bad information. About one in three girls and one in seven boys will be sexually abused before the age of 17 (Briere & Elliott, 2003). Most of them will be abused by someone they know (Snyder, 2000), not some unemployed crazy person on the street. Briere, J., & Elliott, D. M. (2003). Prevalence and psychological sequelae of self-reported childhood physical and sexual abuse in general population. Child Abuse & Neglect, 27, 1205-1222. doi:10.1016/j.chiabu.2003.09.008 Snyder, H. N. (2000) Sexual assault of young children as reported to law enforcement: Victim, incident and offender characteristics (NCJ 182990). Washington, DC: U.S. De
The kid’s parents know the setup at the daycare. If they’re not worried, you shouldn’t be either. In every daycare center I’ve visited, the changing area is not at all secluded, and if somehow a pervert got hired, they wouldn’t be able to randomly lick kids during diaper changes without being seen. If the kid changed his story from “licked” to “wiped” it’s probably because he had his words mixed up. Those are easy words to mistake. (I’m remembering one time when I bought my husband a fancy bottle of scotch for his birthday and told my 3 year old daughter that our present to him was “booze”; she later asked me when we were going to give daddy the “poop” we bought him.) I would be anxious too if it were my grandchild. I would ask his parents for the reasons that they aren’t anxious. They know more than you do about the kid and the center, and if they have sound reasons for not worrying, they’ll be able to put your mind at ease.
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