How can I stop being a snobbish jerk about music?
I used to be really ridiculously critical about people’s musical tastes, which is okay until you have a SO. Here’s one idea – make it a game. So you say your boy likes guitar+male singer songs. Since you’re more musically enlightened than he, rifle through your music collection to see if you can find a few artists that he might like, or at least a few songs. So in my case, I listened to what she would play in her room, got my DJ hat on and started brainstorming about what kind of music she would like. It was generally hit-or-miss, but a) sometimes it was a hit and then I had something we both could enjoy listening to together b) she appreciated the effort and thoughtfulness c) she became more interested in some of my weird “music” and actually put me up on a few joints I otherwise would never have found d) all of the above. All in all, a beautiful thing. And if you’re at all musically inclined, you could try remixing one of these awful songs and turning it into some nasty IDM emo-soup.
Compromise is the only way around it if you just can’t like his stuff. Either find something you can enjoy, switch to something non-musical like podcasts in the car, have an `equal time’ policy on the car stereo or just turn it off and talk (or drive in awkward silence). I listen to things my partner can’t stand, she listens to music that is outside my range of taste, but I don’t mind at all. We find something we can both at least tolerate and listen to that. Some years ago I realised that the music my friends and I were listening to was not really the music I liked most. They were musical snobs about it, would never hesitate to make nasty remarks about what I enjoyed. I went off on a musical tangent, was vague about what I liked and mostly listened on headphones. I decided life was too short to listen to music I didn’t enjoy just because it was popular, and no amount of shitty remarks will talk me out of that. Get some equal time arrangement happening, expose him to new music, and lis
zengargoyle, I love Bootie! I hooked him up with “American Edit” too, and he actually did like that, but ultimately he saw it as sort of a novelty thing he got sick of after a while. Whereas I almost always prefer remixes to originals. What can I say, I love a committee. I think a lot of our problem is that we’re both too stubborn to really let each other’s music in, and the arguing we’ve done has only made us more stubborn. This thread has helped me see that if we’re going to make peace over this, someone is going to have to give, and since I’m much more aggressive and weird about the whole music thing I think it’s pretty fair that I should try to be the one to make it right. Dave Matthews, here I come.
To expand upon what Eideteker said, try not to focus so much on appreciating the technical strengths or anything, but the memories you have with it. Focus on making positive memories to go along with your boyfriend’s favorite songs, rather than thinking of all the arguments you have everytime he plays something he likes. Over the course of a vacation with friends, this is how I came to tolerate (and mildly enjoy) some really terrible pop-country music.
Btw. after reading more of your question I was a music snob who has since mellowed. Truth be told, I went from being a staple on the music scene in my area to being completely uninterested in music and it has been very liberating. I feel like I let a huge part of my ego go and matured a good deal.
