How can I stop being a snobbish jerk about music?
I don’t think you should change your standards–just the way you do or do not communicate them. What you’re trying to control is an learned emotional reaction to bad music–a reaction which is such a habit, you are going to have to retrain yourself. No; you don’t have to like the music. Go ahead and hate it for the crap that it is, but try to find some self-talk that helps you get over the power it has over you to make you act in ways you don’t want to. Some ideas: Think about how much you love your boyfriend. Practice listening to his music when you are away from him…building up your tolerance. When you’re with him, listening to his music, think about how good your music is going to sound/feel when you put it on again. Save your thoughts of disgust for his music to express in writing later.
If I may add a third problem to the pair suggested by devilsadvocate, it would be the car issue specifically. The best solution I’ve found (through years of trial and error with a manfriend whose music bordered on insufferable, natch) is that the passenger must retain veto rights in a situation of driver = DJ. Even better is the rule of shuffle combined with veto rights. Of course, I must mention that if your next beau has even the smallest taste intersect with you, it’s going to feel like the first time you’ve ever brushed your teeth. It’s not really that his music is bad so much as that it has a different kind of importance to him, or that it lacks that importance all together. That said, I believe very strongly that there are PLENTY of good people who listen to crap music.
I know from where you are coming crinklebat. My brother and sister-in-law, both of whom I love as dearly as my own brother and sisters, love country, not just any country, the top 40 stuff. It’s not me. Yeah, the music grates a little, but I really like hanging out with them, so I ignore it… posted by caddis at 7:46 PM The music your bf likes does not stink. God knows what floats your boat, but you need to chill out on your ego. I am thinking that your taste runs more to what makes you look cool than what sounds good… posted by caddis at 12:06 AM So it’s okay to find Young Country insufferable, but not Lite Rock from the 90s? The actual music that her boyfriend likes the mostest is completely irrellevant. There is no such thing as good music and bad music; there’s no such thing as music that’s “okay to hate” and music that’s not “okay to hate”. There’s just music that you like, and music that you don’t like.
I’m going to reiterate what someone else said upstream: on long car rides like the ones mentioned, some people actually NEED to listen to music that stimulates them. I need to do this when driving at night. If I don’t do this, I will start to fall asleep and veer into oncoming traffic. No, really. I’ve woken up while driving before. It’s scary for everyone involved. I was dating a girl who, while on road trips, would fill up the iPod with like, Nat King Cole and Wings. Seriously, while I loves me some Nat King Cole, it’s too damn soothing, and I don’t know all the words. I need fast upbeat music that I enjoy and can sing along to. It’s not a bullshit powerplay, it’s an attempt to not kill the people in the car.
I find that a good compromise in these situations can sometimes be reached if you’re able to respect the musicians’ talent even if their songwriting is lame. The music industry as a whole, and many record labels in particular, grind down great musicians into really boring ones by micromanaging their songwriting. Ignore the cutter crybaby lyrics and listen to the guitar, drums, bass, etc. and see if you can appreciate their skills.
