How can I stop being a snobbish jerk about music?
From the original post: “I really want to be more tolerant, but he turns on the radio and it’s like I just go nuts with how annoyed I get and lash out.” And, later: “I just want to overcome my weird hostility/anger toward people who like music I dislike.” ludwig_van: She does behave rudely to him (and probably toward others as well). She lashes out at him for not sharing her tastes. And she thinks less of others who have tastes similar to his and/or not like her own. There is no necessary connection between “being passionate” about music and feeling compelled to “lash out” at someone else’s music (or at someone else for liking that music). Sharing your love for music and pointing out what makes it cool for you is one thing. Looking down your nose at people for not sharing your tastes is quite another. The poster wanted help with that. I’m not asking her to feel bad about it. I’m offering advice on how to reframe the situation as a way to improve it. But I actually feel for her with res
Boyfriend is of the opinion that driver chooses the music, but he almost always drives You’re not the one being the dick here, sorry. Forcing someone to listen to music you know they don’t like without being fair and allowing them to play the music they like under the guise of “I drive, I choose” is the dick move. I suggest that the problem isn’t so much that you don’t like his music, but that he’s being an unreasonable jerk about this and that’s making you hate his music a whole lot more than you might otherwise. I’m a bit sensitive about this, granted, because while I have pretty wildly diverse tastes in music (the only kind I don’t like is the kind I don’t like), when I really don’t like something, I really don’t like it, but I’ll tolerate it if that’s what it takes to be fair (unless it’s Modest Mouse). If someone were forcing it on me…I wouldn’t be so tolerant. Alternately, get a set of noise-canceling headphones for your iPod and listen to your music in the car and let him play
atomly, there is no such thing as good music or bad music. It’s a very close minded thing to say that. Music is VERY subjective, and the culture you grow up in reflects the type of music you like. Ask an African tribesman to appreciate the Beatles and you will have a problem. In the same way, try to appreciate the tribesman music and you will have the same problem. I’m not saying that there is not some music that truly stands above other music. There are some songs that are globally recognized as good music, but they are very few. And you will be interested to know that of the songs that are really appreciated all over the world, there is no house, techno, punk, garage, emo, bluegrass, or any of the other music that you think is so great. Rap has a much greater global influence than any of those genres. Even beethoven and all the other European “greats” are not understood in most parts of the world. And let’s not even get started with Miles Davis. There is no such thing as good music a
Seriously, though: there are few things lamer than music snobbery. It’s an entire subculture where people trump up their overly-inflated egos by knowing what other, equally self-important snobs think is cool and dissing everything that isn’t. It’s not about quality. It’s not about sound aesthetic judgment. Music is a subjective preference. Arguing that someone’s music sucks is like arguing that someone’s favorite color isn’t what he or she says it is. That analogy doesn’t work. Thinking that the music someone likes is crappy is not the same as telling them that they don’t actually like it. “Music snobbery” as in being closed-minded and behaving rudely to people who don’t share one’s taste is bad, as is liking something in order to seem cool. But there’s nothing wrong with “music snobbery” as in being passionate about music and therefore thinking some of it is brilliant and some of it is shit, and there’s no reason for the asker to feel bad about that.
A lot of people have talked about you trying to meet your boyfriend halfway or suggested that maybe you just don’t understand the music, etc. and I wasn’t going to contradict them until I read that your boyfriend likes the fucking Counting Crows. I’m sorry. I dated a girl once who had utter shite taste in music and it was a huge problem for us. She thought most of the music I listened to was noise or would make jokes that the CD was skipping when I was playing some techno (when, ironically, we met because of electronic music) and I ended up calling Tori Amos “Torn Anus,” so I know how heated music discussions in relationships can get. The only thing I can think to do is to try to slowly massage his interests into slightly better ones. Maybe try getting him into, for example, Radiohead or something of that ilk to try to broaden his horizons. If you hate “emo” vocals, you’ll hate Radiohead, but it might be a good stepping stone. Maybe introduce him to Elliott Smith, “Clarity” by Jimmy Ea
