How can I keep the peace with my boyfriend and still maintain a friendship with my (male) coworker?
First off, good luck. It’s hard to sort out your feelings and also act in a way that you feel good about. Big props to you for thinking hard about this; it shows maturity for someone in her first relationship. (I’m in my 30s, been around the block a few times.) It sounds to me like you are feeling guilty all on your own, and trying to cast your boyfriend as the instigator of the guilty feelings. Or, at least, you’re making this about his attitude, when really, it’s about your behavior. Despite the fact that he frequently suggests that you find other people to date and takes a defeatist attitude, he makes it clear that he wants to stay together, right? And you claim that you want to be with him, right? Don’t make this about him pushing you away with his jealousy or having a bad attitude about your friendship with the man-at-work. Right now, he has a very legitimate reason to be super-jealous, as evidenced by your post. If my bf was in your bf’s situation, he would totally call me on it,
If I were your boyfriend (and I’m a girl, so take this with a grain of salt), what would make me uncomfortable is the possibility that you are getting something from Work Guy — companionship, ‘deep’ conversation — that you formerly got from your boyfriend. In other words, that he’s being replaced in certain aspects of your life. The line between just friends and emotional affair can be a fine one, so you’ll have to be honest with yourself about what form this friendship is taking. To that end, in my experience (again, this might not necessarily be yours) the “hey, do I like this guy? uh oh, maybe I do! Wait, no I don’t” process takes a little longer than a couple of days to work out of your system, so make sure you’re not just rationalizing to yourself or telling yourself what you want to hear when you say you’re over him. I’m not trying to ascribe ill motive to you — it’s only human to be attracted to someone else every once in a while, and it doesn’t even have to be a problem for
