How can I diffuse my predilection for long-term relationships in order to make the most of things short-term?
If you don’t want to enjoy time with him now only to potentially miss him later (which seems sensible to me, but in opposition to your philosophy) then don’t spend time with him now. I disagree with this, sound as the rationale is. Here’s why: You intellectually came to the realization that there might be some value for you in casual dating, yes? But emotionally, you know you aren’t on board yet. If this guy is almost certainly leaving, it’s a great scenario with which to test the waters. And then, put it into practice. Work every day at making it a real live casual relationship: don’t rush into anything physical (I know that seems contrary, but casual dating isn’t the same as casual sex. Chemically, sex creates a bond and that works against your plan here)… go three days between each date/meeting… don’t reveal lots of weighty personal bits in conversation… don’t get too involved in each other’s personal lives (meeting/socializing with co-workers, roommates, family)… don’t vent
Just to make it clear—the Jeramy Clark books recommended by allkindsoftime are really for Christians who only want to date Christians. For example, I Gave Dating a Chance says “God doesn’t want us to be partners with non-Christians. God doesn’t want us to be best friends with them, or to stroll with them, or to hold their hands.” If you believe this, then it might be the book for you.
Pick up “I Gave Dating a Chance.” If you liked anything at all that Harris had to say, I think you’ll like this book twice as much (I know I did). Same authors have another great book – He’s Hot, She’s Hot. A lot of your opinion on the subject at large is likely based on how you were raised. I’d wager quite confidently that we both have rather similar backgrounds, because in my early 20’s (I’m 28, so I’m allowed to call them that), I went through some of the same quandaries. An important thing for me was realizing that not everything I was indoctrinated with – via books, family, circle of friends, et. al. – was necessarily right. I had to in the end decide what core truths I believed in and what they were founded on. Then, based on that, I could start making new “realities” in my head
I would avoid this relationship (just my two cents), there’s a big difference between “not expecting everything to be long term” and “knowing something has a finite, predetermined lifetime”. Similarly a difference between thinking “this guy would be OK, but only for a night”, “this guy is someone I would like to know better”, and “am I sure this person is The One”? I’d suggest the middle road, not a relationship that’s doomed before it starts or being, er, overly picky. Some reference: I’ve generally been inclined toward “serious” relationships, so I may be a bit biased. I don’t think a “serious” relationship means you can’t have fun, just that you go into it without having the end already in sight.
