How can I be happy again?
if all else fails get in contact with him tell him you love him and go live out there fool if he’s the only one keeping you sane go BUT DON’T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KILL YOURSELF if your religious although i doubt that for some reason given religions appalling manner to homosexuals (soz if your not) im not either try doing things that make you happy make time for them at least once a week and go see that therapist he/she can help you with your issues.