How can I be a better waiter?
I eat in restaurants a lot. I like it when a server writes down the damn order, brings me what I’ve asked for, and keeps my water glass full. (If I ask for a pitcher of water, I mean that you should bring me a pitcher of water.) I do not like waiting. I don’t care a fig about a server’s personality. I just want my food as quickly and efficiently as possible. I waited tables for several years. I was a much better busboy than I was waiter. I was quick and industrious. But as a waiter, I was unpolished. I was always sweaty and out of breath. I wasn’t smooth. I didn’t know how to upsell. I was too worried about doing my sidework and not worried enough about making sure the customer was happy.
I like a waiter that is there when I need them and not there when I don’t. When the meal is done they are there for me to ask for the bill and they bring it quickly and process my payment quickly. Pet peeves: telling me your name (in the forced “I’ll be your waiter for the evening” sense, not if it comes up in conversation), saying “no problem” when I ask for something, constantly offering me ground pepper, upselling, and touching my shoulder because you heard it will increase your tip. Likes: being able to tell me something I can’t read on the menu–ingredients in each dish, what is good today and what dishes go well together; being able to make a decent wine recommendation based on the food I’m ordering.
I am not tipping you $15 on a $25 check. Funny, I do this all the time. But then, I used to be a waiter, and know how hard it can be to earn a living at it. My advice, garnered from time working at quasi-Chi-Chi places in Boston, is this: Be polite. Be efficient. But above all, be professional. That’s it. Because honestly, there’s really nothing more you can do. Just take a look at the responses you’ve already received here: some people want their pitcher of water topped off all the time and don’t like waiting! (Might I suggest the local McDonalds?) Others, they want to enjoy their meal, they want to be at their own leisure, they don’t want to be rushed! Now just how in the fuck are you supposed to know if someone is going to be insulted because you tried to bring them their food too fast? Christ. “You made me feel rushed, so you only get ten cents.” The one thing I learned very early on was, you never know your clients. You might think you can “read” them… oh, those Canadians are lo
The best service is always that which I never think about. If you introduce yourself in a normal way, I won’t notice. If you take my order promptly, I won’t notice. If my drink is never empty for more than a couple of minutes, I won’t notice. If the food comes out before I wonder where the food is, I won’t notice. If you bring the check w/o me having to track you down for it, I won’t notice. If at the end of the meal I realize I have not thought about you much, I’ll probably comment to my dinner companion that you’ve been a hell of waiter and tip you accordingly.
Please don’t say “does everything taste okay?”. Every single time I hear that from a waiter, I think “why, what have you heard?”, and it makes me think of the episodes of “Fawlty Towers” with the Japo-Scandinavian mock veal, the bug in the salad, and the rat named Basil. By all means check and see if we’re happy with our meals, but don’t say that. And please please please, when you stop by to make sure we like what we ordered, do so BETWEEN mouthfuls, I swear sometimes that waiters have a secret radar that tells them when I’ve just taken a bite. Definitely don’t squat, as others have said. I waitressed for a while, and I found that I got the biggest tips when I read my customers well: some people want to joke and chat, others want you to take their order, keep their glasses full, be there when they need something, and otherwise just leave them alone. And definitely know your menu, and be honest (if I ask you if the soup is good, I want to know if the soup is good, don’t just try and se
