How can couples know where emotional attachment ends and co-dependency begins?
This is a tricky question to answer in a simple way. Co-dependency is a confusing label; it was a word coined to persuade women that if they didn’t confront and even get up and leave a man who was drinking. To try to protect themselves or their connection with him or his feelings, they were actively helping to create his addiction, unconsciously joining in with his addiction. This label is a big blame–a huge generalization and a general put-down of dependency! There is nothing wrong with our need to depend on others–being comfortable, being close, and being able to reach for and depend on another. We should accept our dependency needs in general; it’s a strength, not a weakness. But when we get really scared of losing our partner we sometimes accept behaviors that need to be confronted. When we know that our attachment is so uncertain and we are desperate about holding onto it–sometimes at a great price–we become pre-occupied with getting signs of being loved, and we become jealous
