ex #1: Lt. Red Shirt: *She lifts her soft shoulders in a small shrug and smiles up at him.* I don know what you want from me?
ex #2: Ensign Red Shirt lifts her soft shoulders in a small shrug and smiles up at him. “I don’t know what you want from me,” she says. Don’t write like that. It makes me cringe. Seriously. Yes: 3rd person subjective, limited/omniscient PoV, past tense: “Your realm of affairs?” she said quietly. “Your realm of affairs entails whatever I need at the time.” She took a breath, to keep her temper in check. “Location, threat assessment and security were your purview in this instance. However, it is 100% my fault for letting her get within reach of me. I let down my guard. No matter how much preparation or security is in place, I am personally responsible for my own safety.” She studied Gabriel for a moment then, curious at his reaction to Eliza. “Now then, you said she finds you ‘unpalatable.’ How do you mean? Is your synthetic blood toxic to her? Or is your … ” she paused, unsure how to ask him about his soul, ” … psionic energy toxic?” Gabriel was still a long moment, his strange eyes
