Does morality develop the same way in all children?
There are three kinds of what I call moral motivation. One is empathy, the second is a personal sense of right and wrong, and the third is morality through affiliation, which has to do with kids’ connection to and love of some adult or group. The kid wants to feel worthy of that person or group – to be a good Christian, good Scout, good American, good family member. Most of us have some amount of all three styles of moral motivation. The emotions attached to all three are different. When you feel empathy with someone and harm them, you experience guilt. You are inside their feelings and their pain becomes your pain. With morality through affiliation, it’s more shame. With the second, there is a sense of self-shame. Even if no one ever finds out, you’re violating your own principles. How can parents nurture their child’s style of morality? If you say, ‘think how you’d feel,’ or ‘remember how you felt,’ or ‘imagine how so-and-so would feel,’ you’re tapping into their empathic sense. If y
