Do bullies have a moral defect that makes them cruel to others?
Adults almost always judge bullies as “bad,” meaning that there is something morally wrong with them. Based on years of work with aggression, I strongly reject this view. The truth is that we are all bullies. I have shown this hundreds of times, even with the most gentle and ethical of people. You can check this out with the following experiment. Tell someone (it doesn’t matter who, because it is universal) that you want to play a game. Their job is to call you names, and your job is to make them stop. If you can stop them, you win and they lose. When they call you names, start becoming upset and angry. Warn them and threaten them that they better show you respect or they’ll be sorry. You will discover that they smile, laugh, become really cool and confident, and just keep on going. Eventually, give up. Then say you will play the game one more time. This time, just let them do it all they want and stay perfectly calm.
